CAT | Food for Thought
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LGBT Retirement Communities on the Up and Up
Comments | Posted by Jared Scheib in Food for Thought, Topical Links
An interesting article in Newsweek this week speaks to the growing number of LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) retirement communities in America. Although the article throws around the commonplace “LGBT” tag, it really only discusses lesbian and gay communities and makes no mention of other orientations. Either way, there are now 25, apparently, though they don’t typically disallow non-LGBT people (and in most cases it’s not legal to do so anyway). There’s some interesting insight in the article. A couple of gay friends of mine recently mentioned the idea of gay/straight retirement communities to me, and I was surprised only because I hadn’t heard of them. I wouldn’t imagine that when my generation grows older it would be an issue to co-mingle, but I suppose in any generation there will might be discrimination, and LGBT people may prefer to just keep it simple. Either way, check out the article!
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An Apropos Article on Aging as a New Chance at Life
Comments | Posted by Jared Scheib in Food for Thought, Topical Links
I highly recommend reading Marc E. Agronin’s article, “Old Age, From Youth’s Narrow Prism”, which a friend of mine forwarded to me after reading it and thinking of Life’s Waltz. As a doctor, he writes about how our (and his, as it’s a first-person story) perspective and presumptions about old age were upended when he visited a newly widowed woman of 93 years of age at a nursing home in Miami. It’s brief, and it’s spot on, carrying the same message that Life’s Waltz aims to demonstrate.
I have no interest in belittling seniors or playing into stereotype of marginalizing them, but I feel the following joke that was forwarded to me by a family friend resonates as truthful:
A group of 40 year old buddies discussed where they should meet for dinner.
Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress’s there had low cut blouses and were very young.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
Less-stressed people may have lower dementia risk, says a new study from Journal of Neurology. And why wouldn’t stress have an equal effect on the degeneration of the brain as it does to the body? It’s something I’d never thought about before though, but it’s interesting and highly relevant, unfortunately, to our film.
Realistically, it should come as no surprise that some of the people at TVN have dementia of various forms and at various stages, and I don’t just mean memory loss, though many people often connote memory loss with dementia. Just today, in fact, we sat in on and filmed some of the second weekly meeting of the Parkinson’s Disease Support Group. The only thing that was surprising was how people seemed to come out of the woodwork for it, but it was not unexpected that maybe 15 or 20 people showed up. Suffice it to say that dementia of any kind is something that particularly bears on the lives of those living in a place such as TVN, which at a glance appears to be an active senior, independent living retirement community. This is not to say that younger people don’t have or aren’t affected by dementia, but you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who’s been so fortunate as to reach the “golden years” who hasn’t had a friend who’s suffered from, had a spouse who suffered from, or himself/herself has suffered from dementia.
This topic was one of the two original catalysts that engendered the idea to explore the inner-workings of a retirement community. I was sitting with my grandmother a year ago, having dinner at TVN, when a couple walked by holding hands. My grandmother made some off-hand remark about how they shouldn’t be doing that (her views do not reflect the opinions of the filmmakers!) and should get a room, or something to that extent, which would be preferable to seeing that PDA. (I had to explain that PDA meant Public Displays of Affection to her.) And suddenly, for the first time, I was struck by the possibility: “Maw-maw, are people here still having sex?” My grandmother tends to make bold statements, so she automatically grinned and scoffed, “Are you kidding? Of course!” Or something like that. I was shocked. I, like so many people who haven’t reached old age yet, have just never given it any thought and tacitly dismissed the idea, either out of oversight or maybe even some kind of repulsion.
As the conversation went on, I asked her what had happened to her friend whom I’ll refer to as “Molly”, who had been there the last time I’d been by. Well, she explained, Molly had dementia that had progressed so far that she couldn’t function socially anymore at TVN. She’d get frustrated because she couldn’t communicate herself and then she’d get mad and confused when things seemed out of control, and they constantly felt that way. In this sense, I reasoned, dementia plays a social function at TVN. In kid terms, it’s kind of like your best friend as a child whose parents take a job in another city. You just have to move away. But it’s more complex than that, because dementia is not an innocent or quick animal. It’s slow and painful, as much to the individual undergoing it (if they’re aware of it, depending on the type) and also to the person’s loved ones. In this case, Molly was one of my grandmother’s best friends. She didn’t leave because of death or anything like that, but rather it was a drawn out, excruciatingly disheartening and dismal process. Maw-maw tried to take care of her friend and help her over the course of a couple of years, all the while watching her good friend’s inexorable mental decline. It calls to mind Flowers for Algernon, but in this case, it’s very real, and my grandmother’s experience (and that of her friend Molly) is not singular.
To bring things quickly full circle, there’s no telling by how many parts genetic and how many parts environmental Molly’s progressive dementia was (and is to this today). We hear often about how “there’s no Alzheimer’s in my family,” but less often about the environmental factors that may cue the onset of dementia, that give rise to it, if it’s lying in wait in the first place. And I think stress makes a lot of sense. Stress is the body’s general overdrive in response to a noxious stimulus. After studying days on end for exams without any sleep but somehow staving off sickness, suddenly a cold comes on the day after the exams end. The stress, the general immunity response of the body, prevented the sickness, but the body is worn out as well after all of that overdrive, and so it’s simple to become sick as the stress leaves the body. Why wouldn’t the same go for the mind? The brain is a part of the body like any other, and we certainly all know the feeling of mental stress. Just like bodily stress can bring on aging quicker, with wrinkles, sagging of skin, injury-proneness, etc., this CNN article reports on research showing that the same goes for the brain. Very interesting.
Fascinating to me in particular, as memory and nostalgia are such emotionally powerful parts of my human experience. Dementia is the physical instantiation of memory-loss. For this reason, we’ve spent quite a bit of time talking to our characters about what it feels like to lose one’s memory ability over time, what it’s like to live with people who have various forms and stages of dementia, and what it’s like to lose friends and family, and even the self, to such a disorder.
In the words of Sam, “Don’t lose that smile. You’ve got a great laugh. Don’t stop laughing. You’ll live longer.” Or, don’t worry, be happy. A little less stress, a little less taxing on the mind, a little more mental health as we reach our golden years.
On a humorous (it takes being able to laugh about it!) note as regards memory-loss, we’re constantly asked the same questions and told the same things at TVN, sometimes by the same people, like Sam’s quote from above. He’s told us a few times – let’s leave it at that! So let me say that what you’ve heard through the grapevine is true. For the past near two months, it’s been the following: Ashley and I look like brother and sister, Ashley and I look like such a great couple, Ashley’s really pretty, I’m such a nice young man, we both have great smiles and we shouldn’t lose them or stop smiling, we sure are working hard, we should eat some candy, if we want dessert they’ll get it for us, and most forthcomingly, we should get married!
Now if only I could get up the nerve to propose again.
Here’s some stuff that y’all will probably find interesting and unexpected. We’ve been noticing quite a number of couples at TVN. New ones, that is. People getting together. Finding “companions” or “special friends”, as the people refer to them. When some people talk about their special friend or good friend, they may not be implying any physical involvement, but something I’ve found particularly telling is a tendency for those whose memory may not be as sharp as it once was to be pairing up or seeking out a companion, someone to hold their hand, put their arm around them, and just dedicate oneself to the other.
The unfortunate reality is that memory loss is a factor at TVN, as it would be at any retirement community. It’s a natural part of growing old. But surprisingly, some of the people whose respective memories are at times a bit worse off seem to be pairing up. I found a related video clip on CNN this evening. It’s not exactly the same situation as I’m describing, because Alzheimer’s (at least not specifically that form of dementia) does not seem prevalent at TVN: I’m really just talking about plain memory loss. Check out the video below, though. Very insightful! There’s a lot to be said for touch: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/12/23/gupta.healing.touch.cnn.
What are y’all’s thoughts? Why would touch and affection play a possible role in staying dementia? What do you think it’s like to live in a place where dementia or memory loss play such a quotidian role? Anyone have any questions that you’d like us to ask any of the residents about that topic, or any other, for you?
For the past two weeks, I have noticed that sometimes, our wonderful senior subjects have the tendency to be a bit self-deprecating. I know, I know, everybody nags on themselves once in a while. But, I’ve especially noticed this with our subjects when us “young folk” take even the slightest interest in hanging out with them. For example: we’ll be in an interview and right before we push “REC” or get going with our conversation, one of these lovely seniors will blurt out a, “I hope I don’t break the camera!” or a “I don’t take good pictures…” and especially: “I’m boring.“
And even after an hour of discussing their stories and lifestyles, they feel like they’ve said it all. Cut the camera, there’s nothing more to say. You kids are great, but that’s it.
What the?
These people have lived for decades, so Jared and I are convinced that there is no way they are able to sum up everything in one, hour-long conversation!
Here’s where you, the reader, comes into play. I’m going to pose a question to you, and I’m hoping some of you will respond….
Why do you think that, specifically, seniors consider themselves uninteresting?
Has our culture’s notions about being “beautiful” become so distorted that even our eldest citizens aren’t allowed to feel any sense of beauty?
And what is it about mainstream media that might contribute to these specific moments of self-deprecation?
So, let’s hear it!
There are no right or wrong answers here, I’m just trying to promote discussion on a relatively untouched topic. And I apologize if I’m sounding too academic–whoops.
And now for Week 4 of production….
Senior eSource is an idea we had to try to create a unique opportunity and interactivity between some of the people shaping up to be characters in the film and all of y’all out there reading this. As you can see, we’ve been posting little tidbits from some of the people we’re working with about arbitrary topics, from courting women and self-image to memory loss.
This is now where all of y’all come in. Post questions for our characters! We will take your questions (or maybe they’ll read them themselves–Ed and Sam have been checking the blog regularly and showing others!) and pose them to our seniors, on any topic or subject matter that you have any curiosity about, and we’ll post the responses here! That way we can begin creating a dialogue between y’all and the people in the film, to get to know them better and also to provide insight to a whole section of people in our society that we don’t tend to interact with in this way as much.
As more questions are posed and more responses posted, we expect this site to also become a resource for information on real issues that real people deal with every day, something we can all relate to, hence Senior eSource (say it quickly!). We hope to drum up a vibrant interaction, so don’t by shy–ask away! Anything you want. I guarantee you there are a few people we’re working with who will field any query you send their way!
